September 22, 2008

You know what fantasy football is like?

It's like self asphyxiation or, for some of you, Erotic asphyxiation.

Your taking something that by by nature, is fucking fantastic, like football or boxing the one-eyed champ, and attempting to make it better. Around 2003 B.F.F., I remember feeling a lot more for my team. Now, all is see are points. No shit. I was sitting here watching this fucking Jets/Chargers game and ...[the jets special teams just returned a kickoff, 6pts. Nice, I bet whoever got the Jets D has them on their bench.]...and I saw Thomas Jones fumble. I knew that my wife had him on her team, so my first thought was, "Damn! I'm going to have to listen to her bitch about this for days.", but then I remembered she sat him this week. Thomas Jones used to be a stud in Chicago, and I really like T. Jones. But that was the third thought that came to my head. Football was so good when you had your team and you actually knew the team, but it got even better with Fantasy Football. Now you have your team and YOUR FUCKING TEAM. Your team can eat two shits, cause I double dipped my cods your teams Mom this past weekend, twice. It's your team and those are you players. You get pissed when people talk shit. Everyone love's pounding the bald moose, but you can apparently take it to the next level by putting a plastic bag over your head or tying a noose off to the ceiling fan. Just like that noose that took one to many fan rotations, is fantasy football taking the fun out of giving yourself a low five? Just like the dudes who took self love to the extreme, we will never know until its too late. But fuck it, I'm going to glory hole fuck Chilltown and his scrubby ass 2nd rate team come Sunday.

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