May 30, 2008

What's In The Bag?

The mailman's here and it aint to bag your mom this time. Yeah it's mailbag time. Because we have such inquisitive lil readers we get questions all the time. Well now we are finally answering them. So feel free to pick the brains of some of the most mediocore men of our time or any time for that matter.

1. What compelled you to have a Ken?
I get this question a lot. It’s a topic very near and dear to my heart. I haven’t always had a Ken. Believe it or not at one point in my life I was Kenless. Tough to fathom I know. Then one day I was driving around an Indian reservation and saw what I thought was a retarded Indian girl tried to sell me some jerky or jerk me off, never was quite sure. As soon as I saw this feeble creature I could hear music. Is this Ken that I’m feeling? Is this the Ken that I’ve been searching for? Is this Ken? I knew it was. So I scooped the lil bugger up and took him home. For over 13 years I’ve been cleaning, teaching, and feeding Ken with my supple tit. I always thought it would be like owning Gary Coleman. Suprisingly Ken is less volatile and less of an earner. We love him though. If you would like a Ken contact FDIO immdiately, we have a lay a day, I mean a lay away program.
2. Looking back on your life, were you born gay or did you convert?
Again I get this question a lot. I don't know if its my love for tight pants, leopard print underoos or just the way I shake what my momma gave me that makes people ask. I would say that it's out of pure jealousy. Any let me take the dick out of my mouth to answer your question. I would say converted. I hang out with a lot of donut punchers now. Fucking ass pirate.
3. How many licks does it take to get to the center of me?
Oh that's tough. There could be a variety of different answers for this question. If you look like this then it takes as long as you want. However if this is closer to what you look like then I'm pretty sure I just have to drop a pencil and pick it up with my back turned to you and you're center is just gonna come out.
4. Do you believe in love at first poke?
Ah the readership is growing up so fast. Bodies are starting to change and urges are bubbling over. I remember my first poke. Only cost me $40, and I came away with something that I've passed on to so many more. But I didn't fall in love that day, that would have been a mistake. Sex is only supposed to happen after 2 people(in the VCC's case 1 person)get completely drunk. THis is why elementary school girls are easy. So no love after first poke. You could have been drunk, then you wake up and realize it was a dude.
5. Red Meat or Man Meat?
I know you expect me to say some thing like Both or what's the difference. But tell you the truth I like meat a different way.
6. Why is it that all vegans are pussies? Because they aren't getting enough man meat.
7. DTF?
Who isn’t? I’m just saying she looks like she could take a dick.
8. Whats its like to have a 28 year old red headed child?
It's tough, kind of like this but he doesn't try to play hide the soul.
9. What's your ideal Kwanzaa celebration meal?
Obviously I would go the traditionally route with such a sacred holy day. But I would also throw a dash of my own favorites for dessert. I would have my friends bring over drinks.

So that about does it. Please feel free to send us more of your inquiries. And if we didn't get any today feel free to comment. We're happy to help any way we can. Hugs and kisses xoxo.

1 comment:

The VCC said...

I would have just thrown trash out the window at the Indian.

I'm totally DTF.