February 19, 2008

Coaching Kids

One of the benefits of having an NBA franchise in your
hometown, is the long arm of the outreach and charitable
foundations that the NBA possesses. This past week, we were
able to catch up with Coach Ivaroni who has graciously agreed
to answer some questions from the students at Central Elementary. To help introduce communication skills to these children at a young
age, they were asked to go home, generate some questions with
their parents and each return with a question for Coach

Melissa (age 6): Mr. Idaromi, I was wondering if you like it
when your players score lots of points?

Coach: Excellent question Ms. Melissa. Yes, I do enjoy when
my players score lots of points. A well played defense is also
important in having a well rounded team. In the NBA you have to
try and find a happy medium between offense and defense, but
winning isn't everything, as long as you give a 110%. Great
question Melissa. Next question.

Timmy (age 6 1/2): Coach Isaroni, do you have a favorite player on your team?

Coach: Timmy, I do my best to treat each member on our team
equally. Sure there are some players who need more guidance on
and off the court then others, but myself with the help of the
veteran players help lead these players down the right path.
Next question.

Joseph (age 6): Why did you trade Pau Gasol away?

Coach: Actually Joseph, i had nothing to do with the trade of Gasol or the trade of any of our players. There are people,
who are my bosses who make those decisions on which players are on the team.

Elizabeth (age 5): [reading from card] Mr. Ivaroni, with 52 games under your belt, and a record of 14-38, do you regret your decision to come to Memphis especially with the trade of Pau to the Lakers and the trade of Shaq to your former team?
Do you wish you could hide you head in your own ass?

Coach: Ummmm.....That is a very grown up remark Elizabeth. I'm
not able to say with a 100% certainty that I would prefer one
over the other. Sort of like how your dad is not a 100% sure
you are his daughter. From what i hear your mom only charges $3 for Smokey in the Ass Bandit. Next question.

Richard (age 6): [reading from card] Dear Coach, My mom says she feels sorry for you inheriting a team that has a history of management issues and unsatisfied players, but my Dad says you weren't ready for the leap to an NBA Head Coach and should be tarred and feather, then release in the common grounds out at the penal farm.

Coach: Well Dick......let me see your little card here.

[Takes card and writes the following]
"Dear Dicks Dad,
I thank you for your question that you son Richard read in front of the class today. I would like to extend to you my foot which I plan to stick in your ass sideways as soon as I leave your bastard son's god forsaken class room. My suggestion, get a better job, pay for private school. From what I can tell, the kids in this room, including your son, are 8 shades of retarded. Each one of them needs special care, a special parking permit and personal care for the rest of there life’s.

Coach Ivaroni."

Coach: Ok kids, thanks for questions, I had a great time. Tell your parents they each get a complimentary ticket to side of my cock.


Romo said...

It's great having an NBA team like the Grizzlies in our city. I expect to have a 5 man roster before the season is over. Could the Tigers beat the Grizzlies?

TK said...

Tigers would lose but it would be the first time this season the Griz played in front of a sold out crowd that was cheering for a team from memphis

TK said...

Where is the strumpet that's giving away Smokey and the ass bandit for $3?

The VCC said...

why, you sick of spending $5?

Romo said...

Rudy Gay could beat the Tigers.

Romo said...

I'm watching Kentucky / Georgia right now. 10:20 to go in the first half and Georgia has 8 points. SEC is loaded. All day meetings are great.