May 5, 2008

Hey Aren't You That Guy? What's His Name?

FDIO's breaking news team just learned that there was incident just outside of Baton Rouge, LA at a McDonald's. Here is the account via the young man working behind the counter that was mistaken for a local celebrity.

Hi there how are you today? What's that? Oh, no sir. I get that a lot though, but it's just a coincidence. So what can I get for ya today? Ok, do you want everything on that #1? No pickels right. It's cool, I'll just throw an audible at the cook. Huh? I just say that stuff all the time because I love football. Ok now, what do you want to drink? We have all the major brands; Coke, Pepsi, or if those have too many people on them you can always check down to lesser popular choices like Hi C or Dr. Thunder. Yep, I guess I did do it again, but I swear I'm not him. Yeah I know what an idiot right? I know what you mean, he had it all. Excuse me sir but I really don't think that he had his head in any orifice. Yes sir, he made some stupid decisions but everybody deserves a second chance. Right he did get a second chance, but maybe he's misunderstood. No, I don't think wishing herpes on him is logical or very nice after all he's just in college. Ya know kids do make mistakes. No I don't thinking mistaking him for a speed bump and backing over him would be a "boys will be boys" type of mistake. No sir I do not think that the rumor that he was taking ectasy at gay club so his ass would be nice in lubed up to take a 12 inch cock is true it all. No I wasn't aware that his biology partner told you that he had anal warts, but that's something. Sir, I can appreciate your animosity for the situation, but do you think I could get the $6.30 from you, I do have other customers. Yes sir I realize they hate him as well. Yes sir, I swear I'm not him. Ok now you have a nice day and enjoy your Extra Special Hot Beef Injection. Excuse me? No you didn't get the Steamer Special, I think I know what you said! Are you calling me a liar? Yeah I am getting upset! No I won't calm down you mutha fucka! I'm about to beat down that ass, reach my hand thru yo anus and rip out yo mutha fucka testes one by mutha fucka one. That's right you fucking towel head, back the fuck off! I don't give a shit if you are mexican you cracker ass son of a bitch, I'm about to twist yo fucking cap back yo! What's that? No shit yo? Yeah bro that's straight. Just meet me out by the dumpster man, that's where me and the fry cooks usually get high.

15 minutes later after a couple of puffs

Fuck it man, I still might win 4 Heismans, I'm the mutha fucking shit. Peace out man, I gots to get back before my boss finds me. He said I only got a few more chances.

Editor's Note.
We miss you RP. We miss everything about you. Your strong, rocket arm, your Kriss Kross inspired eyebrows. I'll miss seeing you gamble at the boats even though your underage. It always made me laugh when you called people racial slurs even though they weren't accurate. Remember when we went out that whole summer passing fake twenties to every business around even that kids lemonade stand. Man you're fucking crazy. Most of all I'll remember the times we had winning football games. Well, mostly you winning football games and me yelling at the TV. God we were a great team. But your dead to me now, esp if you go to another SEC school. Take it light bra.

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