June 13, 2008

What's In The Bag?



Oh joy it's Friday! What's that? No it's not a regular Friday, it's Friday the 13th. But you and I both know that the reason you're knees are weak, your ass has a tickle, and you feel like vomiting is because it's time for reach into our big hairy bean bags and pull out your questions. That's right you waited, all week and know it's time satisfy your (bi)curious little monkey minds. We had a plethera of emails this week from readers all over the world, so don't be sad if yours didn't make the cut. This just means I think you're a shitty person and don't care to answer your weak ass question, but hey thanks for playing. Let's get started...

1) Is it an acceptable practice to publically mourn a grandparent via an airbrushed t-shirt? And what exactly are the rules for wearing an airbrushed t-shirt in any case?
Great question. This touches close to home for me. As some of you may know I'm an air brush enthusist so my opinion may be slightly biased. This being said, I don't think there is any better way to immortalize some one, dead or living, than to paint their name and or face on shirt in neon letters. There are only 2 rules for airbushed tshirts: 1) Be super awesome while wearing them (pretty much already taken care of cuz you're a super awesome shirt). 2. Keep the message positive. These t's aint for haters. Other than you can use it show off your name, what you are, or who you love and what they remind you of when you sneak a peek.

2) What does it meant to have "the itis?" And how in the hell do you pronounce it?
"The itis" is what the VCC commonly refers to as his "woo" factor. He got his "woo" factor from handing out thousands of zj's. And if you have to ask then you can't afford it. And while I did take phonetics for a semester, I flunked the exam, I will not tell you how to pronounce it, but if you sub the i's with t's and vice versa you get this. Cool, huh.

3) Can someone please explain to me what the real purpose of a headband is? Sweat? Style? Confidence? All of the above?What?
Wow another one that hits close to home here at FDIO. One of very one own has one. It can go many ways depending on who you are. Let's take a closer look. If you're white, then it's to inform other dudes that you're cool with a hot dog cart, in fact you prefer it and no chick will ever sleep with you, not that bothers you cuz girls are iccky. If you're black, then it's to let me know that you're about to dunk on me or rob me. If you're Mexican, then your sorry ass should be outside raking leaves. Move it Ramone!

4) In your opinion, what would the ultimate conquest of a groupie? To nail the head honcho, the big cheese, alpha male, numero uno. In the case of Midnight Delight it would be Tim and Dustin vying for a piece of Ken's sweet, sweet ass.

5) Is it possible to get 3 homeruns while only actually touching around 3 bases?
Many people don't know this, but in some leagues this is totally allowed. However in this same league everyone gets a trophy and wears a helmet all the time. Haven't figured out what that means then guess what

6) What is a water bug?
This thing when he runs

7) What exactly is a 'fuck-you' homerun? It could be one of two thing. The first being what I did with your mother last night. And the second would be when you kick a home run and miss most of the bases but still count it anyway cuz the other team is afraid of you.

8) If you want to watch a nearby neighborhood kickball game ... and bring your own chairs and not sit on the bleachers... what would you say is a good watching distance? The length of a football field? 50 yards?
If you're watching instead of playing there's a good chance this is you. If that's you then I would stay a shotgun's length away, cuz whitey be crazy. Close enough to see but far away enough so you don't have to use the extra bone in your leg to get away.

9) How much would you have to be paid to hang out with the brookehaven players after a game?
Wow that's tough. You would probably have to give me the bar so at least everybody on Midnight Delight was allowed back into the bar. Nope that's not gonna work. I'm pretty sure you couldn't pay or punish me into doing this. These guys blow. I would put a link here but nothing does their shittiness justice. Fags!

10) Chapped ass or assless chaps?
I'm going with the assless chaps which will totally begat a chapped ass.

11What the fuck is the internet?
Like I said only the good ones get answered

Looks like my bag is all wrinkled and shriveled up so that must mean we're done. Remember kids if you smoke grass Karl Malone gonna kick ass.

17 comments:

Laura said...

That is not even close to what the "itis" is.

2. itis:

a naturally occuring drowsy feeling that is created when a person, normally of the African-American race (although it may affect peoples of all creeds), eats a large amount of fried, salty, or fatty foods...this feeling usually causes one to sip some purple drank and take a nap

i dun ate all the KFC, the itis got me....wake me up when Cosby's on

TK said...

shut ur mouth woman. now git me some more grits and go git hypodermic needle and watermellon

Laura said...

crash and burn

The VCC said...

wwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...bang crash!!!! kapoo-wee!!!!! (bomb falling from the sky and exploding)

sounds similiar to this:

"shut ur mouth woman. now git me some more grits and go git hypodermic needle and watermelon"

TK said...

hey laura why don't you put your lap dog back in ur purse and put a muzzle on him

The VCC said...

go get your shinebox ted.

TK said...

You gonna bark all day little doggie or you gonna bite

The VCC said...

its our first co-editor/co-editor fight, oh....this is so going in my scrapbook and journal!

TK said...

You wanna get jammed up?

The VCC said...

Thats a million dollar bill pal.

Laura said...

Chris, I think it's about time you just put this post behind you.

The VCC said...

damn...the fan has spoken. Chris is getting made cause hes stuck in the shitty end of a devils three way.

TK said...

Is there a good end to a devils 3? Just like you to cater to the fan

The VCC said...

I guess for the chick theres a good end, but your right, there is no good end of the devils three way unless one of the dudes are bi.

TK said...

So then ur bi

The VCC said...

only in the movies and in memphis.

TK said...

Now that's what ya call bringing something to the table. Cool if my friend kisses ur baby?